It's been a while, since I've had feelings like that. Not too long ago, it was christmas. I remember the festive decorations and the mood in the air. It was cheery, one which induced you to break out into a wide smile and makes you feel that life is so good. Friends, I remember each one of them as they handed out they're presents, or goodwishes for poor blokes like me. Indeed, it was a moment to think about, to forever store in the depths of our brains capacity, sealed with a golden lock. A treasure, always.
And I had always believe, in a friendship, no thanks is ever needed, much less to say for relationships. It is much more deeper than that, much more profound. It's like how I look at you and we both understand each one's thoughts. Perhaps that night, it might have been too harsh and for that I would say sorry. But don't misunderstand what I say to be that I'm not by you, it's rather a more of trying to make you realise or understand perhaps?What ever it is, i'm still there behind your back, for you, for all.

Also, another conversation I've had. "Perhaps we are just living a memory". That all we hope for and want, is based on what we've had before. When change comes, we're not prepared to let go of these memories and embrace new ones. There are many kind of changes. For the good, the better and the worse. I've seen many, I've been through many, and I walk out a little more learned, a little more smarter, a little more cautious. But still the day would always come when I'll think back and say "what if..". I know miracles rarely happen, but I still hope. Cause without hope, there can be nothing.

I know naught what i'm feeling. Is this merely another change in life, or is it something else?Books don't teach me solutions to this. I'm a blind man walking on the tight rope above the ground. The tension,excitment and danger of what lays ahead drowns me. I don't want to take another step forward, I might fall. But reality draws me closer and closer to the rope. I'm eager to find out the outcome, but I fear the consequences. Every action has a reaction that leads to another action. Like a nuclear fusion reaction, sometimes it can go out of control and the damage is devastating. The horror? You ain't seen none of it yet. You're still a child in this world of hunters and beast.

Last christmas, I still recall. So many things, feelings, senses. This year, it has changed. Morph once again into another something. A different memory. I'm walking a path laid with memories, neatly placed along the sides as i saunter down the road. But the further I go, the heavier my footsteps go. Like lead, suddenly the burden becomes so heavy. I take a look around again, and i realise I no longer recognise where I am. On this path of mine, I'm lost.
Slowly by slowly, I took the memories I knew and try to reconstruct at least a familiar road. Laying it out, relishing what's left of it. I'm living my life on memories.

And I hope I get drunk on it